Workout Woes

Posted on June 7, 2013 by Jackie

My chiropractor recommended I get a body ball, because I am not doing my stretches he has given me. One of the reasons is, it is hard and I really hate getting on the floor. It hurts and it’s hard to get up, and well, get down on the floor. So he recommended the ball. I found on one sale yesterday for 8$ (score).

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Stopped after work to fill it up at the gas station. It is much much faster than using the hand pump.

I started searching for a body ball DVD, and stumbled across this little gem. Gaiam TV.

I signed up free for 10 days and then after that, it’s only 10$ a month to get unlimited streaming of exercise videos and other stuff. They also have Jillian Michaels, Leslie Sansone and tons of other things. Last night I did 10 minutes of stretching and 10 mins of body ball cardio blast.

This morning I got up, and did a Walk Away The Pounds video. I put it on my ipad, and used the appletv to put it on the tv. It was perfect! There are other ways to watch them too. On your computer, iphone. Sounds like a deal to me!

I have to thank my dog for helping to get me up in the mornings to work out. He gets up at 6 constantly and wants to eat. I always hear him and wake up. Today it was 5:20, finally at 5:45 I got up to work out. I tried to talk myself out of it. I went to bed with the alarm set for NOT working out. But I did it, and I have to say when I was in the shower, I did feel good and proud of myself.

Last night I watched Extreme Weight Loss. I was motivated by the exercise Meredith did. She reminded me of myself and her goal weight was 155, which was always my goal weight. She loved running. I don’t love it, but I liked it. I felt that I just can’t get where I need to go alone. I know it may be my only option, but if only I had a trainer to get me started like they did. I contacted my old trainer Ashlee last night. She just replied back actually.

I don’t know what I can afford, but I know I loved working out with her. She pushed me. I believed in myself after she forced me to do things I didn’t think I could do. I’m scared of strength training, because, well it sucks, and it hurts. My body has changed since I was even 30. It hurts and now I have back pain to deal with, so every move I make, I am aware that my back is sore. Even this morning, walking in my living room, my back was sore the whole time.

It is hard to keep going and motivate yourself when you are scared and you don’t think you can do anything worthwhile physically.

I found this online. It is exactly what I feel. I don’t have the answers yet. I do know I am trying to find them and trying to trust the process and workout even though I don’t want to, and I am not sure if I am doing the right thing.

I also think about excess skin and how strength training is important. I’m making it hard, when really it shouldn’t be, and then I compare myself to what everyone else is doing, and truthfully I compare myself to myself, and think I should be running, when I can barely speed walk for long periods of time. I then think walking isn’t enough or that I need to find something that I love (which is doubtful).

So that’s what is going on. I did it today, so that is great!

One day at a time…

My first binge…

Posted on June 6, 2013 by Jackie

I had my first binge last night. You are all going to look at it and think, what? That is not a binge, but it was. I went to visit my niece last night and the last time I ate was around 4:00, and that was protein drink. I headed to come home around 7:30pm, and I was starting to get hungry. I wanted to stop at Mcdonalds and get a cheeseburger with no bun, but I really don’t want to get into that habit again. I wasn’t really super hungry, I was just aware that I hadn’t eaten dinner yet and felt that I should eat (repeat… hunger is not an emergency).

When I got home, I cut some cheese and ate it. Then Marc asked if he could be the one to watch TV upstairs. I said sure. That means I have unlimited easy access to the kitchen. Not good. Still feeling a little anxious I think from the baby being born (no clue why) and my schedule has been messed up, coming home later than usual.

Marc went upstairs and I was in the living room. I got up and got goat cheese and 2 pickles. I didn’t measure the cheese, but it looked about right. So I sat on the couch and ate my pickles and then slowly the goat cheese. I shared with gunther. I was full and really didn’t even want it. But I kept eating it.

Gunther went upstairs and I was thinking, what else can I eat? I had a can of no sugar added peaches in the fridge, so I opened those. I didn’t measure, but had about 4 peach slices.

So my binge consisted of 1 serving of marble cheese, 1 serving of goat cheese, 2 pickles and 1 serving of peach slices.

I know, not bad, but it was too much and I knew it. When I went to bed, I told Marc what I ate and he said I can’t be left alone downstairs.. lol

I felt gross. Very full. I wondered if I may be sick. I fell asleep, and that was that.

I’m kinda in a rut where I am eating all the same foods and i think that may be the problem. It’s time to start adding in more variety and putting in a little bit more effort.

It’s amazing how after surgery, you still have all the same issues you had before, isn’t it? I knew that, but still interesting to see it happen.

I feel a little guilty today. I was down on the scale today. Loss of 55.6 in 10 weeks. Great, but I have to pay attention to my habits.

Had I of been upstairs last night, that wouldn’t of happened. I would of grabbed some cheese and a turkey stick for dinner and call it a night.

Mental notes Jackie. You recognized your trigger, you recognized why you were feeling anxious. You were in a different environment than usual, a bad one…right next to the kitchen, bored and unsettled because Gunther was barking. You should of went to bed when you knew you were going for those peaches. You almost did, but you gave in. Learn, and move on, and be better next time. <3 And you talked yourself out of a walk this morning. sigh.

Plugging Away..

Posted on June 5, 2013 by Jackie

I’m so sorry I’ve not written. I always have such good intentions, and then life gets in the way, and I get tired and don’t end up blogging like I planned.

It’s hard to believe it’s 8 weeks tomorrow since surgery. I am healing pretty good. I’m down 54.5 pounds since yesterday. I am weighing myself every day. I wasn’t supposed to be doing that, but I am. I tell myself that if the scale flucuates, I won’t be mad, and that i didn’t do anything wrong. Yesterday I ate about 100 calories more than I should and the scale was up today. I know it’s not because of those extra calories. I think it’s water retention. But the fact of the matter is, it kinda got me down.

I am doing a little bit of exercise. Mostly walking. This morning I walked about 30 minutes at 6am. I feel a night workout is better for me. Sunday night I went for a walk, and really felt I did a good job. I was doing intervals, and just felt like I had more energy at that time. But with working, then getting home and making dinner, and then Gunther needs a walk, and I can’t walk for fitness with him, he’s much too slow so right now it’s leaves mornings.

I’m a little down on myself today. Probably just a mood. But I get angry when someone loses more weight that me, or is managing to get more exercise. I guess always trying to measure up. sigh. It never ends does it.

Yesterday was a crazy day. My brother and his wife Heather had their baby. It’s a girl! (More on that in another post). Anyway, I was anxious all day! I didn’t know what happened, how it happened. Heather was 2.5 hours away from home when she went into labour, so just my brother went. Molly, my niece was born around 6am.

Them being so far away, it was a state of unknown. I’m a person who likes to know what’s going on. Anyway, I felt so hungry all day. I know it was emotions. Anxiety, I guess. I ate a lot of cheese and I ate when I wasn’t really hungry.

Even today… I ate a turkey stick and I wasn’t even hungry. Sitting at work sometimes, it makes me eat. I’m much better when I’m on the go. Anyway my point is, I’m glad I can recognize some of these things. I’m not quite at the point where I know what to do, but I guess it’s all steps.

I am starting to miss the food lately I think. I’m feeling a little down and I’m not really sure why. That’s when I thought maybe, the lack of food is hitting me. Not being able to sit and eat for 20 minutes like I used to do. I’m sure it’s something everyone goes through, and just a bump in the road.

Onto post op week 9!

Professional Blogger?

Posted on May 22, 2013 by Jackie

I think it would be really cool to be a professional weight loss blogger. To have thousands of readers, who people look up to. To get asked to speak at conferences, go on free trips, review free stuff. I can barely post once a week, who am I kidding, that probably is never going to happen.

I look at some of the bloggers out there: Jen, Roni, Nicole. I would love to make income from my blog. That is some serious work though! I went to LA on the EA Active Sports Retreat with Amy over at MomSpark, and tons of other mom bloggers who make a living at blogging. Very inspiring. I guess that’s where I knew that was even possible. They work hard, but have lots of perks. Anyway, Amy posted this blog the other day. Check out how much work she actually does. It’s a full time job. These bloggers usually post EVERY day.

I get down on myself that I’m not successful enough, not good enough to have a large following. (Don’t get me wrong, I love my readers!) It kinda feels like a popularity contest, being in high school you know? I feel like the bank geek, and I want to be the popular girl. Come on, you know you wanted to be too! LOL

Just my thoughts. I can’t be what I’m not. I can’t write a long entry every day. I just do what I can, and hope people like it and hope I can motivate.

I have been blogging for 12 years. TWELVE! Can you believe it? I was 24 when I started. All my entries are here too. It’s nice to look back at them and see what I was doing 10 years ago.

My favourite part of my blogging, is reading back about my mom. My feelings, what she was going through when she was really sick and memories I had forgotten. I’m glad I have it documented.

Things are going well weight loss wise. Week 6 post op today. Down 49.1 pounds in 8 weeks. YAY. I’m a happy girl.

Going Smoothly

Posted on May 12, 2013 by Jackie

Things are going pretty smoothly. It’s 5 weeks on Wednesday. I haven’t really started much exercise yet, just a little walking. Truthfully I am really nervous about this part. At 6 weeks I can start most exercise. Marc wants to get up early with me and start 10 Minute Trainer. I just don’t know if I can do it. I feel I have always had a problem with food and exercise. I can only get 1 right. Food is going great. Exercise…meh.

Did I ever tell you guys that running a marathon is on my bucket list? It is. I think it would be an amazing experience. I’ve only ever run 6k before. I don’t know if it will ever happen, but it is kinda a wish of mine, and I’m NOT an exercise person at all. I think crossfit would be cool as well, and I would really like to do TRX classes. I want to be that person who does cool things like that. Will I ever? I have no clue. I guess I just have to take it one day at a time, and go from there.

Today I spent my day organizing all the clothes in my closet into bins. 28, 26/24, 22/20, 18, and I already have bins for smaller than that. I had them all up in my closet, just kinda thrown up there. My 28 pants are starting to get big, but the 26′s are still too small. I guess seeing that I’ve lost 43 pounds, I was a tight 28.

I am tracking on myfitnesspal, and yesterday I noted that 2 of my snacks were head hunger. I just wanted to eat. I’m proud of myself that I could identify it. Yesterday money was on my mind. Today after dinner I felt like I really wanted dessert, and that I wanted to sit up in my room and eat all night. It just hit me now why. Mother’s Day.

You all know my mom is gone. All the facebook messages about mothers day kinda got to me. I’m not a mother to a child and don’t know if I will ever be. And my mother has passed on. I guess you could say there is bitterness all around. Granted I am a mom to my baby boy Gunther and I got flowers and a card today, but not everyone out thinks that is a mother duty, but in my heart I know, and so does Marc.

So, that’s kinda where things are at right now. I have my one month follow up on Tuesday. I took before pictures, but just have to get around to posting them. Blogging is a full time job, and I am not blogger extraordinaire, so it takes more time for me to get around to it.

But I thank you all for waiting for my posts! I go in spurts! lol

OH! a NSV yesterday. Last year I went to my best friends daughters dance recital. It was hell sitting in that seat for 2hrs. Well guess what, yesterday it was a breeze! I’m only down 20 pounds from last year, so I didn’t think it would make a huge difference, but it did! My first NSV of this journey!