2 year Surgiversary!

IMG_1567 IMG_1690I cannot believe, that 2 years have passed since my VSG surgery. This before picture was the morning of surgery, where I had already lost 17 pounds. I’ve lost 191 pounds and feel amazing and BEYOND proud of myself. I remember that day, like it was a movie.

It’s amazing how I forget how awful it really was to be 346 pounds.
-I had to sit to tie my shoes
-My feet swelled every night
-Tight fit in my car
-Couldn’t find nice clothes
-Sitting in auditorium seats hurt my hips
-High cholesterol
-Felt physically ugly

To be at a normal weight is wonderful.
-My self esteem has improved dramatically
-I bother to make myself look pretty
-Shopping is so much fun
-I can shop anywhere
-I can sit in any seat I want, anywhere
-No pain when walking

All that being said, it’s not a cake walk. I am not cured from obesity. I think the smartest thing, is to know this.

I am about 8 pounds today heavier than my lowest a few months ago. Of course, this concerns me. I spoke to the dietician about it, today at my 2yr follow up appt. I don’t feel my eating really has changed that much. He took a look at my food log and thought I was doing everything right, which was nice, because at the clinic, I usually don’t hear those kinds of things. He said, what I’m probably going through is rebound weight, as well as the fact that my calories HAVE increased a bit in the last few months as well, from appetite changes, and trying to deal with my hypoglycemia that I am experiencing. I do notice myself doing some grazing, so I have to keep that in check.

I told him that I wasn’t sure what to do. Decrease my calories to try to get the weight down, or just leave things as it. He asked me what the negative of that would be. I said, well, I would feel like I was dieting. I expressed my concern that I feel like it’s my fault that the weight is rising in the last few months, so it must mean I’m failing, and I’m doing something wrong. He really eased my concerns that by looking at my journal, I was doing great, and it could be metabolic, hormonal, and quite often once people get to their lowest weight, they usually don’t stay there. (rebound gain)

People have warned us of rebound regain, and someone told me this when I was worried I was losing too much past my goal of 155:

“You will eventually (years later) really be happy that you went down below your target range. Your body will not continue to lose indefinitely, but it might lose past where you would like it to stop. Eventually, you will fight regain and the extra few pounds lost now will be a seen as a gift.”

I’m seeing the gift now. lol He also didn’t recommend I reduce my calories, especially because I am experiencing hypoglycemia which I will be seeing the Dr for. He also recommended I didn’t weight myself daily, as that doesn’t really help me.

So, lots of things to consider. It really IS true. This surgery was a gift, and it’s a tool. There is still SO much work I have to do to lose and keep it off.

Anyway, just wanted to give an update. I still owe you on on the TV show I was featured on! It was great!

Thank you to all of my readers, who have been here for me through my surgery, and all my years of blogging! xo


The Marilyn Denis show!

Something exciting is going on!

I was chosen to be on the Marilyn Denis show in Toronto! The topic of the show is Extreme Weight Loss! I will be there along with 2 other woman. They came to my house the other day for 2 hours, to do a little shoot, which will result in a 1.5 minute clip of my story. I did a little interview, and they filmed me in the kitchen, walking Gunther, putting on makeup, and drinking tea while looking at a photo album.

I’ve known for a few weeks, and at first I felt really weird. I didn’t know if I wanted to tell many people. My guest, Mavis, my college roommate and co worker is coming, and I know she will be posting pictures on facebook, etc, and everyone at work is going to find out, so I let the cat out of the bag to them as well! Now that people know, and they came for the shoot, I’m feeling a bit more comfortable.

Yesterday, I went to the studio, to be fitted for my outfit! We are getting a makeover as well. :) I’m not sure yet, what that will entail exactly, but it is sure to be a fun day!

So, it is shot live April 1st. I think the link will be on the internet the next day, and I’ll post it, but if you live in Canada, you can catch it on CTV at 10am.

Cool, right?!

Here are some pics of the shoot!
image (1) image image (2) image (3)So, I’ll see ya on TV April 1st!


Mom: 8 years ago

180561_10150417179025133_270841_n 183502_10150420308450133_6408342_n 26032_10150099976890133_5992244_n 1916767_348124355132_7125934_n mom2Wednesday will be 8 years, since mom passed away from cancer. I remember so much, but don’t remember so much. Every now and then, I go through my blog, and read through February 2007, and it brings back so many memories. Memories I want to remember, even though they suck. I’m very thankful for my blog, especially for this.

This time, 8 years ago, she was admitted into hospice and we had been there for one day. She passed away 5 days later.

February 21, 2007 – update

February 24, 2007 – still going

February 25, 2007 – it’s over

March 1, 2007 – moving on

I’ll never forget, the moment she took her last breath. I’m so honoured that I was able to be there. Love and mis her dearly!


My Inner Child

How to say no to yourself without feeling deprived. I ran into this article from nawls.com. Immediately, I skimmed it, but kinda didn’t want to focus on it. Why? Because its hard work to think. It’s painful to have to think of your demons about why you do the things you do. You may not even notice you do this, but you probably do.

She starts off talking about herself as a child. Why? What does being a child have to do with saying no without feeling deprived. So much! I don’t understand it all, but I do believe.

1) Understand the connection to your past. Spend 15 minutes identifying a few experiences from your childhood that shaped how you behave with food today. Get a clear picture in your mind of the little child you were. Then, get out some crayons and draw a picture of the little child in you who is defiant and hurting — and hungry.

This, above made me a bit sad. Immediately, I went to, being 14 years old. We just moved to a new city, and it’s Saturday. Every Saturday, I would venture into town and look around the stores, and buy myself a large bag of Doritos to eat while I watch TV later in the afternoon. I would sneak them in the house, hoping my dad wouldn’t notice, as he would make a comment and I would be embarrassed I was eating them.I would then watch tv in my room, enjoying my chips, and hoping I didn’t get caught.

This was the time in my life where my OCD really started. I spent a lot of my days the next few years obsessing and worrying about stuff. It was torture. And when I think back to my 14 year old self, eating Doritos in my room, I think of how much life sucked, how worried I was all the time, and the loneliness of being in a new town and not knowing people. My mom was always working Saturdays, and if I was worrying about something, I would have to wait until she got home, to try to find the courage to tell her what I was worrying about (My compulsive part of OCD). For whatever reason, this is how I remember my early teenage years.

As I said, I don’t know exactly how childhood and emotions play into things, but as I struggled with OCD since I was a young child, I turned to food to dull the pain and escape my mind. Even if I didn’t have OCD, I probably would of still gained weight. Food was probably always meant to be my escape from my emotions, whatever they may be.It’s such an ordeal, delving into your past and trying to figure things out, but once you do, it really makes a lot of sense.


New attention after losing weight

Dr. Yoni Freedhoff, a Canadian doctor posted this guest post on his site today. It’s from a woman who underwent Gastric Bypass surgery and is sharing all the good and negative things that come with it.

Nine months ago, I had a gastric bypass. When I told people what I was going to do, they were shocked. I wasn’t that big. Was I really sure I wanted to do something so drastic? Couldn’t I try just one more time to lose weight? Shouldn’t a gastric bypass be reserved for people who are sick and fat, instead of just sick and tired of being fat?

Here’s my response: the decision to have major surgery with very real consequences was not taken lightly. It took an entire year from the time Dr Freedhoff first suggested it until I was ready to be referred to the program. But once I made the decision, I wanted it to be done with. I wanted my new life to begin.

I did everything right – I researched, I read, I went to a psychologist, I made sure that both my head and my heart were ready for the significant change in my life. I followed every instruction that my surgeon gave me to the letter. And my results have been spectacular.

Pretty good, so far right?!

Still, there is something about my weight loss that upsets me in a fairly fundamental way – I have moved from being invisible to visible, and it is both uncomfortable and enraging.

I read a lot of people talk about this, but for some reason, I do not notice it. I’m sure it’s happening, because it IS human nature. Most people are not overly accepting of MO people. But, I just don’t notice it. Maybe I was oblivious before. Maybe I wanted to be invisible before and don’t want to be invisible now?

There are only 2 instances that stick in my mind, where I have noticed being treated differently. I was at Home Depot once, and had 3 2×4’s in my cart. I was rolling it to the checkout and an older man asked me if I needed help. While it didn’t phase me at the time, it dawned on me that NEVER in my life at Home Depot have I ever been asked for help with my large wood products, and there has been many times I have bought really bulky, awkward things to build with. The other was when I tripped in the summer on my show on the way to the train. I think 2 men kinda came running to see if I was ok. That was a little strange.

Maybe I’m a realist, and just understand how people treat MO people. I just expect to be treated differently, I guess? It doesn’t bug me either. And do you know why? Because I believe it. I think I felt that when I was MO, I didn’t deserve the attention, and truthfully, didn’t want it either! Who knows.

And then there are the well-meaning, the beneficent, the ones who cannot understand what their words mean.

  •  “You look so much younger.. taller… better… prettier… smarter” (that one was tough).
  •  “You’re not going to lose more weight, are you? You’re done, right? Maybe you should eat more – you don’t want to lose too much.”
  •  “I wish I could have that surgery – it’s such an easy way to lose weight.”

I got the last one once. I don’t think she realized what she said until after it came out. I got the “you’re not losing anymore right?” more than a few times. That one made me angry. I felt that they were basically telling me I look ugly, because I was too thin.

Give the article a read. It’s quite good, and like him on Facebook!