I’m back!

Hey guys!

If you haven’t noticed, and with the amount of posts I make, that’s completely possible, my site was down for a few months. I’m still here. I was having issues with my hosting, but have gotten it looked after.

Everything is going ok. Not amazing wonderful, but I’m hanging in there. Weight 178 this morning. Lots to say about that issue!!

In the meantime, please gush over our latest family photo.Gunther turned 9 last month!

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Will post more this weekend.

3 Years Post Op VSG

So, it’s been 3 years since Surgery. 3 years and 2 months. This last year has been a mind f**k to say the least. I have gained 20 pounds. Most recent weight was 177.2 pounds, which is up 18.5 pounds since this time last year. Total loss is 169.3. Great, right? Yes, but my lowest was about 147 pounds. So really, since my lowest I’ve gained about 25-30 pounds depending. I was buying clothes in a Small and 8/10. Now I’m a L, 14/16

Have I failed? No. Do I feel like it? Yes. I recently went to the clinic for my 3 year appointment. I also saw the clinic psychologist. I surpassed the expectations for VSG by a lot. They say that a 10% gain is completely normal and expected. So, 10% for me is 20 pounds. But I thought I was ok. I don’t think that I got cocky at all. I was still quite careful, and as I saw the scale go up and up, I think I started helping it a bit.

For me, the first 2 years were a cake walk. SO easy. Well not easy, but I had it down. Eating was great. Life was great. Every day was a high. I didn’t crave crappy food. This past year, it has all changed. I’m not sure where it started to change, but it did, and I don’t think I’m the only one.

So, now I’m at the point where I decide what to do? Do I try to lose it, or not. The professionals I have spoken with, do not want me to try to lose it. They think and I agree, with my diet patterns and bingeing, it will just backfire and my weight will likely just go up. They want me to maintain this weight and in the future if I want to lose it, I can do that, but not now. It makes sense.

Had i stopped losing here, I’d be fine with it, but I was so much lower, so it’s hard to accept, but it’s also part of the process I believe.

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That being said, I still think I look pretty damn good! Here I am about a month ago with my dad and brother. This dress, I have put away. It’s a bit too tight for my liking, but it fit when I bought it in December.

Anyone who thinks this is easy, is so wrong. People told me the first 1-2 years was the honeymoon period and they were right. Every day is a struggle to make good choices. It’s really tough guys!

So, that’s what I’m fighting with these days. I hope the next time I write, I can at least say I’m maintaining my new 175 pounds. <insert indecisive face>.

-Jackie

May Update

Super short update here. Things are decent. Not wonderful, but not awful. I am not feeling the best. I feel so fat. In a size 14. Really wish I was back at that 8/10. I have never felt like this throughout my whole journey. I have gained about 20 pounds or so. I have been staying off of the scale. Last week I did a night check, and it seemed to be steady. But I am not proud of my eating AT ALL. I see the clinic psychologist for the first time on Wednesday. Looking forward to that. I find myself bingeing much more lately and it’s very distressing. I look at my reflection and I’m not happy right now. Such a mindf@$k this all is. I’m really scared I will keep gaining, but I don’t want to restrict either, OR stay at this weight.

March 2016

Screen Shot 2016-03-17 at 8.30.36 AMHas it really been 2 months since I’ve last written?! I was thinking about it this morning, about how I didn’t want to write. And why? Because my weight is not going in my favour.

But the most consistent feedback, I’ve ever gotten, is I tell the good and the bad. You are all going to tell me to shut up, but I DO feel like a failure. I’m up, I don’t know 20-25 pounds. Closer to 25 right now. I haven’t weighed myself in a week because I’m scared. I keep intending to do something about it, but it just doesn’t seem to last long. I just can’t accept it. Maybe this is my new normal. But it’s too hard to accept. I don’t feel pretty again, and am not wearing my “skinny” jeans because I just want to be comfortable. So, it’s a problem, but I am trying not to freak out, because that will make it worse.

I know this means I have to do something. There’s this liquid diet plan over at Bariatric Eating that I really want to do. It’s just 4-5 protein shakes a day and meal at dinner. Good calories, great protein, low carbs. I’m scared shitless. It seems to work for everyone. I’m scared I’m going to be miserable. I think I am going to order some with my tax rebate. I’m scared that this “fad diet” will make my desire to binge worse.

I am still getting hypoglycemia and my endocrinologist says therapeutically, nothing can be done. It’s just a complication of bariatric surgery. I tried a medication that didn’t work. So I have to live with it. I am still trying to find ways or natural remedies to combat it, but it’s a work in progress.

I really feel something hormonally is going on. I just had some ultrasounds because I’ve been getting consistent cramping, irritability for the last few months. I’ll get those results on Friday. And really, some of the weight could also be a hormonal effect. We’ll see.

My eating is still the same. Not horrible, but little snacks have been creeping in and some bingeing. Gradually my calories have increased. I go from 1300-1700 during the week daily. Just depending.

Anyway, I’ve been mourning the weight loss period. It was so easy and so fun. Such a rush. It’s true what they say. The real work does start!

Just wanted to throw an update on here! I post a bit more consistently on Instagram if you guys want to know I’m still kickin. LOL Link in the sidebar.

xo

My regain

My current concern, which I have spoken about before. My regain. What to do about it, if anything. I belong to a really great Facebook forum and website, and they have the same no nonsense don’t lie to yourself approach that I like to follow. They cater to mainly losing that regain that so many of us suffer from. Below is a thread that I posted and the comments. It really got me thinking, mainly the convo with Amy.

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So.. what to do, what to do. Suck it up and just attack 10-15 pounds, or just continue on trying to lose a few pounds which IS NOT happening. It could get so much worse in the future even though I DON’T INTEND it to. That has to be the answer. People have mentioned exercise before. For me, it’s not in the cards. I don’t really have the time. I could add the time, but don’t really want to, to be honest.

5 pounds has become 10. And that has become 15. Probably time to seriously pull up my socks.