Well believe it or not I was 163 this morning. Kind of bittersweet since I binged on sugar free candy last night. I ate like 20 pieces of sugar free candy and was in the bathroom all night with stomach issues, which is why I was down. The fake sugar in that stuff does a number on my stomach, but I STILL eat it. One or two candies wouldn’t do anything to me, but it even warns you about excessive consumption on the label. I buy it knowing Im going to eat the whole thing. So much work to do.
My mind is just not right. I want to eat. I havent told Kathy this but I have been having 2 light hot chocolates a day this week. I thought, well they are only 50 calories. She may read this here and then she will know. I just don’t feel like it’s going to hurt me. It is certainly not helping my obsessive eating behaviour.
So I was reading Becky’s blog today and her enthusiasm in losing her last 20 pounds impresses me. I am jealous. I know that sounds stupid since I’ve lost 111, but I just don’t feel the strong desire to do WHATEVER it takes to get there like she does. I do WHATEVER I feel is good enough. That’s not really great. Im not putting myself down, but just sorting through my feelings I guess.
I have 7 pounds and while I want to get this done, I may have a new goal. I want to be 155. I also am wearing a tight size 14 pants to my part time job. If in 7 pounds they are not comfortable, I think I want to keep going until I can button them up comfortably. Right now, I don’t button them. I just zip them close to the top and my shirt goes over it.
I really want to be done but I dont want to short change myself. This is just SO HARD. I feel like I’m SO TIRED of watching everything I put in my mouth, that I have kinda-not given up-but stopped trying as hard as I used to.
So anyway, that’s my rant for today.