I’m FAT…for now!

Belated Merry Christmas to everyone, and a Happy New Year tonight! My plans are to keep it low tonight. I’m just not in the mood to go anywhere, or to have anyone over. I just feel like being alone I guess. To me, New Years is so overated. I feel so much pressure to do something “exciting” and if I don’t, I’m less than. My own self esteem issues.

Christmas was good at our house. My grandpa came down from Michigan, so it was mom and dad, my brother, dad’s mother, sister and myself. It was nice seeing my grandpa. He’s hilarious! Santa brought me mostly house stuff like an electric can opener, knives, dishtowels and some really cute pink santa oven mitts.

Diet wise is a complete write off for now. I bascially have fallen off for a few weeks now. Last night I was in Chapters and bought the Atkins journal. It has 120 days to write in and such. I will get back on track and soon. I’ve been receiving a lot of comments recently regarding weight loss surgery. I’m not sure why. Yes, I am overweight and WANT to lose it, but not once have I ever stated I was interested in that. Oh well. People are trying to help, and I appreciate that.

I hope everyone here reads Courtney’s journal. if you don’t, you should. She has lost 186 pounds through WW. I can relate to her because we’re both the same age. When I lost weight, I had people writing me saying, you’re such an inspiration. I never really understood that. I couldn’t see how I was an inspiration to others. To me, I was someone who after years and years of trying, was successful. But look at me now. All gained back. Anyway, when I read Courtney’s journal, she amazes me. She is someone who has truly turned her life around, not just for a little while, but for 3 years now. Now she’s thinking of going into the nutrition and fitness business. That really is inspiring to me. I admire her strength and dedication and hope that I can regain that as well. I know she will reach her goal. I just know it. People may think that about me, that they know I will reach my goal, but I’m not so sure anymore. But anyway, Way to Go Courtney, You Rock Chica!

So on that note, it’s time to head for home. I rented my entertainment for the night. SWAT and Bruce Almighty. Hope everyone has a great New Years Eve and full steam ahead to 2004!

I received a comment from Kelly that I wanted to comment on:

Kelly says “I do not mean to be sarcastic here at all so please don’t take it that way. I have read your journal for awhile and I am thinking that maybe you should give the surgery a chance. After all if you had had the surgery last year you’d be 100 pounds lighter instead of all this up and down and not really getting anywhere. I hate to see you struggle the way you are because I have been there too. Think about it before you put us down who have had the surgery. Most of us had it because we were like you are now, not able to stick to the stringent diet necessary to lose anything and keep it off. It sucks. Good luck either way”

In no way am I offended by that and I have thought about surgery before, but not seriously. I don’t think that I would do the surgery. For one I am scared to death of it. I also don’t have medical insurance, and I’m pretty sure even Canada’s free coverage doesn’t include that. I’m not prepared to fork out thousands of dollars. Also, I know I can do it. I have lost 90 pounds before. I in no way put down anyone who has had the surgery. I honestly envy them in a way. I think the main thing is I’m just too scared to go under the knife for something that I can do something about. What if I die? What about all the pain and rehabilitation? It’s just not something, at this time of my life that I am willing to consider.

I can’t believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve. It hardly seems like it. I have been really busy, working, going out, working and shopping. I still have to wrap everything.

I don’t really have much to update now, but I would like to wish EVERYONE a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

I have fallen off the wagon. Since last week some time. Sigh. I plan and hope to get back on soon, but you know how you feel you want to get it all out of your system. Yep, that’s what I feel. So discouraging. So, no weigh in for me this week, and to top it off, I’m sick and feeling worse instead of better. :(

What do YOU Say? Stolen from Courtney.

1. A body of water, smaller than a river, contained within relatively narrow banks? A river….even though it is smaller
2. What the thing you push around the grocery store? Cart
3. A metal container to carry a meal in? A Lunchbox
4. The thing that you cook bacon and eggs in? Frying Pan
5. The piece of furniture that seats three people? A couch
6. The device on the outside of the house that carries rain off the roof ? Gutter
7. The covered area outside a house where people sit in the evening? Porch
8. Carbonated, sweetened, non-alcoholic beverages? Pop
9. A flat, round breakfast food served with syrup? Pancakes
10. A long sandwich designed to be a whole meal in itself? A Sub
11. The piece of clothing worn by men at the beach? Shorts
12. Shoes worn for sports? Running Shoes
13. Putting a room in order? Cleaning
14. A flying insect that glows in the dark? firefly
15. The little insect that curls up into a ball? Potato Bug
16. The children’s playground equipment where one kid sits on one side and goes up while the other sits on the other side and goes down?  Teeter-Totter
17. How do you eat your pizza? Hands
18. What’s it called when private citizens put up signs and sell their used stuff? Garage Sale
20. The thing under a house where the furnace and perhaps a rec room are? Basement.

This is neat!

I stayed the same last night. Okay, since I cheated on Sunday. I had 3 pieces of pizza and a piece of McCain Deep and Delicious Cake. SO GOOD! I’m kinda feeling a little down at my progress. My inner voice is saying, “Well, you knew this wouldn’t last” I know that is like failing before I start, but so my experience has told me that I can’t lose weight. Yeah, I lost 90 pounds, but that was one attempt out of many many many. I know I need to pull up the old socks and get more serious as I was 8 weeks ago. It’s not the staying the same that bothers me, it’s my day to day eating. Im just so lazy, and just wnt to grab whatever is around. Oh Boy.

Anyone watching The Simple Life? I think it’s so hilarious. It is now my second favourite show, next to Survivor!

Woo Hoo!, Okay back to work!