December Update, Arm Knitting, BED & Vyvanse

Remember a month ago when I said I would post this weekend? Yeah. lol

Well, I can’t believe it’s almost the end of 2016. Where has the time gone. I have been super busy the last few months arm knitting scarves. Check out my etsy store here! I’ve done 4 craft shows. Some were great and some were awful, but since this was my first year, it’s all learning experiences on what I might do different next year.

So far, I’ve made and sold 67 scarves this season (started in September), and have orders for 8 more by Christmas. Wow, how have I made 67 scarves?! I’m still thrilled when someone wants to buy one! Also, just shipped out a necklace to California yesterday.

My weight is fluctuating around 175-177, which I’m happy about. In the last 6 months, I’ve been about the same, which is amazing. It’s been tough, as I always say. A few months ago, I went to my psychiatrist. I have been seeing him every few months for the last 15 years. I see him about my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. We were talking about my bingeing, which has increased, and he suggested a new medication I might want to try. Vyvanse. It has recently been approved for the Binge Eating Disorder in the states. It is not yet approved for the use in Canada. It is not a new medication. It is used for ADHD. My initial thought was that I didn’t need it. I was managing ok without it. I think the thought of taking something that some take for ADHD really scared me.

Before my next appt, I researched it and talked to some people who are taking it for BED and have had WLS. I decided I wanted to try it. I waited to start it on a Sunday, when I was home because I was really nervous what I was going to feel like. Started with a low dose. 20mg. That day went fine. It’s only been 9 days on treatment. After 2 weeks I up the dosage. The first few days, I definitely noticed a change in my appetite, and some days, after the pill is in my system for a few hours, I feel really happy and social and talk to more people.

As the week went on, I noticed the bingeing urges come back, and I started giving in to them. So, from what I read, this is normal. My doctor said I wouldn’t notice much of a change until about 2 weeks. So, I still don’t know. We’ll see how it goes. The struggle never ends!

Follow me on Instagram. I post there more!

So, I guess that’s the main update!
Jackie

I’m back!

Hey guys!

If you haven’t noticed, and with the amount of posts I make, that’s completely possible, my site was down for a few months. I’m still here. I was having issues with my hosting, but have gotten it looked after.

Everything is going ok. Not amazing wonderful, but I’m hanging in there. Weight 178 this morning. Lots to say about that issue!!

In the meantime, please gush over our latest family photo.Gunther turned 9 last month!

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Will post more this weekend.

3 Years Post Op VSG

So, it’s been 3 years since Surgery. 3 years and 2 months. This last year has been a mind f**k to say the least. I have gained 20 pounds. Most recent weight was 177.2 pounds, which is up 18.5 pounds since this time last year. Total loss is 169.3. Great, right? Yes, but my lowest was about 147 pounds. So really, since my lowest I’ve gained about 25-30 pounds depending. I was buying clothes in a Small and 8/10. Now I’m a L, 14/16

Have I failed? No. Do I feel like it? Yes. I recently went to the clinic for my 3 year appointment. I also saw the clinic psychologist. I surpassed the expectations for VSG by a lot. They say that a 10% gain is completely normal and expected. So, 10% for me is 20 pounds. But I thought I was ok. I don’t think that I got cocky at all. I was still quite careful, and as I saw the scale go up and up, I think I started helping it a bit.

For me, the first 2 years were a cake walk. SO easy. Well not easy, but I had it down. Eating was great. Life was great. Every day was a high. I didn’t crave crappy food. This past year, it has all changed. I’m not sure where it started to change, but it did, and I don’t think I’m the only one.

So, now I’m at the point where I decide what to do? Do I try to lose it, or not. The professionals I have spoken with, do not want me to try to lose it. They think and I agree, with my diet patterns and bingeing, it will just backfire and my weight will likely just go up. They want me to maintain this weight and in the future if I want to lose it, I can do that, but not now. It makes sense.

Had i stopped losing here, I’d be fine with it, but I was so much lower, so it’s hard to accept, but it’s also part of the process I believe.

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That being said, I still think I look pretty damn good! Here I am about a month ago with my dad and brother. This dress, I have put away. It’s a bit too tight for my liking, but it fit when I bought it in December.

Anyone who thinks this is easy, is so wrong. People told me the first 1-2 years was the honeymoon period and they were right. Every day is a struggle to make good choices. It’s really tough guys!

So, that’s what I’m fighting with these days. I hope the next time I write, I can at least say I’m maintaining my new 175 pounds. <insert indecisive face>.

-Jackie

May Update

Super short update here. Things are decent. Not wonderful, but not awful. I am not feeling the best. I feel so fat. In a size 14. Really wish I was back at that 8/10. I have never felt like this throughout my whole journey. I have gained about 20 pounds or so. I have been staying off of the scale. Last week I did a night check, and it seemed to be steady. But I am not proud of my eating AT ALL. I see the clinic psychologist for the first time on Wednesday. Looking forward to that. I find myself bingeing much more lately and it’s very distressing. I look at my reflection and I’m not happy right now. Such a mindf@$k this all is. I’m really scared I will keep gaining, but I don’t want to restrict either, OR stay at this weight.

December 2015

Hey strangers, it’s me! Just sitting here on the couch on a Sunday morning with a tea, and thought I’d write a little update.

Things are going okay. Hmm, my weight first. Last time I stood on the scale was a few days ago and I was 162.2. I have kinda resigned myself to staying at that weight, and really, just focusing on keeping my calories decent, and wherever the scale goes, it goes. I am not in the frame of mind to crash diet right now. That may change, if it inches up. I saw the social worker at the clinic, and we had a good talk. She and I were really on the same page. She made me feel great, as she said she really hasn’t seen many successes as mine and that I was very honest and forthcoming in my responses to her. Believe it or not, but the clinic does not shell out compliments very often.

I also offered to speak to other patients. I am in no way perfect, but I feel I have a good sense of what needs to be done, and there are so many patients who do not follow the rules and it really pisses me off. You had your stomach surgically removed or altered. Do not try to find a way to eat pasta, and pop and fast food and all the things that made you fat in the first place. It makes me soooo mad.

A current picture of me. Size 12/14 dress. Maintaining a loss of 184 pounds.

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Back in 2005, I hit 163 on the scale. My goal was 155, but I never made it as I started bingeing again and the scale started going up. BUT, when I was 163 on the scale now, it kinda hit me… maybe this is my body’s happy weight? As I said, it just hit me, that I’m just going to manage my calories for now and whatever happens will happen. But if I get close to 165, that is my drop dead high number where I have to make changes. AND, I need to focus on water. My water sucks.

I am finding myself with so many interests these days. I really want to make the below blanket to sell and make money (lol). The wool alone is over 100$ to purchase, but it is on my list of things to do. And I don’t knit, either.. lol ugh. yeah. I tried to learn crochet, but it’s just not for me. I don’t know why, I keep going back to these yarn crafts, but I do. I did some knitting as a kid with my mom, so maybe that’s the way to go. I also hope this xmas to arm knit a scarf (also below).

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As well, I came up with the idea that I wanted to enroll in night school classes in makeup. I would like to be able to do makeup for people in the future as well, and just to learn more! I have found in the past year I have become much more interested in makeup and learning how to do things I see. It’s tricky though! So, I would need to save some money for this, but it’s something that I am serious about. Who knows if it will happen, as I’m a Gemini. I rarely finish what I start, so we’ll see. lol Chances are, before I can get that started, I’ll come up with with another great idea. lol

So what else. Christmas is coming up. It’s a tough, boring time for me. I really feel the loss of my mom, nana and aunt this time of year. Marc is not super into this time of year either, so it makes things quiet. You are bombarded with christmas cheer everywhere you turn, and it gets me down. But, I do get excited at times and try to run with it. But, I guess that’s how things happen when you get older and you don’t have kids either.

So guys, that’s about it! Hope you all have a great holiday season! xo