I made it through Christmas!

Hey guys!!

Happy New Year! Well, the holidays are over and I made it through the hardest eating time of the year. Christmas and the holidays, and guess what? I didn’t gain weight. I stayed in my range which is 147-150. This morning, I was 149.9. That is when I start to get a little nervous as it creeps up to 150.

Was it easy? Hell no. I ate to the point of sickness two times. Christmas dinner was just so good, I went back for seconds, and my food got stuck going down, which results in feeling like I have to puke and pain. Luckily it only lasts a few minutes, but it’s enough for me to sit up and take notice, that even I can eat too much.

I counted calories every day. The normal food, and the holiday food. Everything. In fact, I just celebrated logging in for 630 straight days on My Fitness Pal. I never thought I would like tracking. I never did before, but it’s the only way I can tell how my eating is, by counting calories. I think some of my choices could be a little better, but now that I’m back to work, I’m back to routine, and 3 meals and snacks.

I have to share this picture with you all. I went to my work Christmas party and felt like a million bucks. I struggle with people thinking I am bragging, but I am just so proud of the way I look, and want to show it off I guess! I planned my outfit for weeks, bought a skirt and then changed my mind. I feel like people are looking at me a little bit more now that I’ve lost a lot of weight, and I feel like I need to really impress. Do I? No. But it is fun! Red lipstick and shoes like that are a little out of my comfort zone, so it takes some guts for me, but that’s what it’s all about – going out of your comfort zone!

The weekend before, I tried on my outfit, and realized it was so plain looking. It wasn’t special. I went out shopping to find the right accessories and fell in love with these shoes, which then didn’t match my skirt, so I switched to pants which I already had in my closet. I complicated it waaaaayyyy too much. LOL

And here I am!

IMG_1176 And some before/after. Surgery morning and now. IMG_1297 IMG_1296It’s hard to believe I’m coming up to 2 years post op already, which means I’ve been maintaining for a few months already, which really blows my mind. I can’t believe it’s working. LOL It’s so much more than just the surgery. I think I have actually learned a little bit in terms of mindless eating. I still do it, but am much more in tuned.

Always learning!

 

Summer Update

I was shocked when I checked my blog and saw that it’s been 2 months since I last posted. Where has the time gone?! Where has the summer gone? I don’t know about where you live, but in Ontario, we are having a crappy summer. After a bad winter, the summer is kinda like Fall. We get some good hot days but it doesn’t last long. Add in the fact, that I am constantly cold now post weight loss, it doesn’t feel like much of a summer to me.

So, as of this morning, I was 146.1, which puts me at 200.4 pounds lost. Can you believe it? I didn’t know if I would even get to goal, let along surpass it by 9 pounds. For the last 2 months, I haven’t been trying to lose anymore weight. I have been maintaining. My body is just doing what it is supposed to do. I was getting a little worried that I was still losing, but everyone told me to just sit tight, and as long as I was eating right, it would stop when it’s ready, and I guess it has. I have been around the same weight 145-147 for a few weeks to a month now. I suspect it took awhile for my body to get the message that it was done losing weight.

In a twist of irony, I have been getting a few comments telling me I am too thin. I had mixed feelings about this in the beginning. I got a little scared. I don’t want to look disgusting because I’m too skinny and now there is that little side of me that kinda giggles inside when people tell me that. Too skinny? Are you kidding me? Awesome! Yeah, disordered thinking? I think so.

Regardless, I AM NOT too skinny. I have a very healthy normal BMI. I am a size 8. I eat around 1400-1500 calories a day. I eat carbs. I am still working with the “eating bad food” as I still am a little scared of it. When people lose a lot of weight like I have, it seems to come off of the upper body, where are skin and fat are left everywhere else. So my upper body is bony, but I have a stomach of skin, so it’s a little confusing for us. It will take some time for my body to adapt to losing 200 pounds in 15 months.

I do feel bones that I didn’t ever feel before. In fact, my tailbone is so exposed it is very painful. I sit about 12 hours a day, so the pressure on that is painful. Add that to my back problem woes. Good times. But I really don’t care what people think. I am SO proud of myself and most of the time, walk with my head high, feeling pretty.

Most people are just not used to the seeing someone who has lost a lot of weight small, so it’s normal to think they are too think. But if someone just saw them on the street, they probably wouldn’t think twice. Although I do think my mom would say I was too thin. I remember when I got down to 163, she had said that. Now, I’m 17 pounds smaller.

Regardless, I’m really enjoying the smaller me. I seem to love experimenting with fashion, makeup, jewellery and hairstyles. Amazing what a little self esteem will do!

xo

Yummy donuts

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Everyone has been raving about a new local bakery. They have a Nutella filled donut. Today I went with some coworkers to buy my husband some donuts. These sat next to me for the next two hours. Talk about a NSV. I really didn’t even want them. I hope this side of things stays forever. It’s more than being off carbs. I really don’t have the same “I need that” desire. Would it taste good? Sure.

Some think that these reduced cravings are from a different mindset. I really feel it’s surgery related. Maybe because I don’t want to leave that pressure in my own shoulders. When they remove your stomach, they also remove the ghrelin in it, which reduces the hormone in your body. So, I really don’t know why I’m having a sense of more control. Me or surgery.

Whatever it is, I hope it’s here for good.

I’m sorry Mom, Nana & Auntie Peg

You all know my mom passed 7 years ago. 5 years ago, we lost my nana and auntie peg who were very close to us. With that, we all inherited a lot of “stuff”. I have lived in 3 places since then, and a soon to be 4th. I am bringing all this “stuff” everywhere.

A lot of it is little things that make me remember them. Little shoes from my moms collection, gifts she gave me, gifts I bought her. I even have her last pair of favourite pajamas. Things I keep just because they were from her. I have my mom’s good dishes and silverware that she only used on Christmas and special occasions. I have china bowls from nana’s collection. She loved her china. I have crystal candlesticks that all nana could talk about when she moved to the nursing home was that I keep them. Actually I just remembered that now, and it’s making me a little teary.

I have my moms hurricane candle holders, her wedding mementos. All sorts of stuff. Also I have the full set of the Gone With The Wind Collector Plates that my mom’s mom bought for her.

I also have my childhood doll highchair and cradle, and my cabbage patch kids. Marc and I are not planning on kids, so obviously they won’t go to my children. I have my niece, but is my brother and SIL going to carry that stuff around for another 30 years?! I kept my cradle and highchair, and dolls because my mom wanted me to give them to my kids.

It’s time for me to let this stuff go. I do feel guilty, and I’m sorry to them all. Marc and I have decided to drastically downsize and go for a minimalist approach. I just don’t want it anymore. I tell myself I don’t need these things to remind myself of them. I remember them every day, even if I don’t look at her dishes or silverware.

I think afterwards I’ll feel lighter, more free. I just don’t use these sentimental items. It’s hard, but it’s a needed change.