2017 update

How has it been a whole year since Iast posted? I’m just not feeling it. At the same time, I don’t want to shut down my blog. Who knows. Whatever.

So, I know you want to know….how’s my weight?

It’s ok. I’m up a bit. My last post a year ago, I was 175. Right now I’m 197. eek. I *thought* it was ok. Anyway, I know it’s been going up, and I’ve been very proactive. Could you imagine if I didn’t do anything? It’s been a VERY rough year for me. Actually, it’s feels like it’s been the hardest year in my life and I guess I ate too much through it too.

It’s ok though. I feel like I am in a good place mentally regarding food and eating. It still gets me down. I am still taking Vyvanse, which is helping, but not eliminating my desire to eat. I saw a dietician last year a few times who is very good with Binge Eating and helped me as well.

I don’t even know where to start really…

Miranda
The biggest thing to happen this year, is my best friend Miranda died. We’ve been friends since we were 16. She was my maid of honour in my wedding and I was hers. I love her dearly and her death has left me feeling so lonely. She died on November 22, 2017. She had been fighting a brain tumour the last 5 years. Things were manageable. She had 2 surgeries, tons of chemo and radiation. Lost her drivers license. But I thought she was good. It was manageable. Well, things just got out of control this last year. She had her second surgery in May 2017. In September her MRI looked great. Something happened and it just turned aggressive. By the time they figured out what was going on, it was too late. She was deemed palliative about 3 weeks before she died. It was and is very sad. She leaves behind her husband and 2 young kids.

Here is a link to her obituary, and aΒ memorial slideshow.

A few recent pics:

Miranda’s 40th Birthday in January 2017My 40th Birthday in June 2017 (Note the same balloons. I kept them until my bday and then after my bday, they went to our friend Laurie’s party!) :)Her lovely family. Husband Matt, son Brady and daughter KyleighI think maybe I’ll go into point form notes of the past year now.

-I got a promotion at work this year. I was “senior studio artist” and now I amΒ “production lead”. It involves doing the same thing I was, but more managerial tasks. I had to perform employee reviews!

-My brother and SIL had their 3rd baby. Luke was born on May 10th. Here he is with Papa!
-My other niece and nephew are doing great. Matthew and Molly. Easter 2017.
-Gunther turned 10 this year! TEN! October 2017.
-I got rid of all of my skinny clothes from after surgery when I was at my lowest. I am trying to come to terms with eating a variety of things and not just protein and vegetables. My diet now has bread and treats. I still can’t have a lot of stuff in the house because I’ll overeat, but overall I’m happy with the mental progress I’ve made this year. I still want to lose some weight, but I realistically don’t think I’ll be down to my surgery weight. My body just can’t maintain that, and well, if I lose weight, I’ll just buy new clothes!

-I joined Weight Watchers with my cousin 2 weeks ago. I’m not looking at it as a diet for the first time ever, but as a different way of eating and a way to tighten up as a few too many treats have made their way back in my eating.

-I have tracked my food in MyFitnessPal for 1741 days. I’ve recently switched to the WW app to track, but I’m so proud of my record of tracking for 4.5 years EVERY DAY!-April 10, 2018 is going to be my 5 year VSG Surgiversary!

-My dad turned 70 in January 2017 and we threw him a party. Here is Dad, me, my brother, SIL Heather and cousins Mark, Kim and Lindy.
-My mom would of been 70 just recently, and Feb 2017 marked 10 years since she died.-I’ve been struggling the last 6 months with feeling more sad/irritable/angry. My doctor thinks I might be depressed, which feels a bit weird to me but it doesn’t matter. I first noticed that I was not reacting to stress the same way as I normally do, was very angry. I started a medication recently and it may be starting to kick in now, but I’m not sure yet. I’ve come to turns with the fact that I’m very tough, and always force myself to get by. I don’t know how I do it to be honest. Bring on the death of Miranda, it’s very hard. I recently admitted to myself that I’m NOT ok with her death. I always tell myself I am, but I’m just not.

-I sold my scarves again this winter. As of today I’ve made about 130 since September 2017 and did about 9 shows. No wonder I’m feeling stressed!
And last but not least! Marc is doing well. Here’s a pic of us at a wedding in November. We celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary this year.
Well guys, I think I’ll sign off. My computer only has 8% battery left. I don’t know when I’ll post again. I’m on Instagram, so follow me. I post more there.

Jackie

Blur

This week has been kind of a blur. I had a great weekend despite the fact Gunther got sick. It was probably great because I was home. No working or really going out. This week seems crazy. Monday night there was WW, Tuesday night I had Binge Class, Wednesday night and tonight I worked at the PT job and I have plans all weekend too. I feel so bad leaving Marc alone with Gunther this much. I told him sorry, I know it’s a pain to leave you to take care of him, and he said, no it’s not a pain, he’s my buddy. Awww. Love. Made me so happy. We just adore him. Needles to say I rely on my phone during times like these to stay in touch. I was looking into getting iphone 4 insurance, JUST because it is my lifeline. I know it’s expensive to fix if anything happens, I don’t want to think about where I’m getting that money, like the 1,000$ we spent on vets this weekend! Yes, I said it. $1,000. I will explain…

Exhausted

Once again, I was up like 3 times all night tending to my fussy puppy. I was supposed to go to the gym, but when 5am rolled around, I was just sleeping nice and didn’t go. I told Marc he could take my car to work and to make sure I go to the gym Sat. or Sun. We are supposed to get ANOTHER friggin snowstorm tonight, so that will probably put a dent into our weekend plans.

I’m so tired. Just sitting here at work. My scale at home this morning was 235.9. It’s been months since I’ve seen that number. I need to grocery shop tonight. It is helping there are no snacks to eat at home. lol

OK, still tired. Eyes closing. At least it’s a payday today. Goodnight, I mean Good Morning.

I Can Hear Myself Think

It is so nice and quiet. Gunther is at grandpas house and Marc and I are enjoying a day without our child. (lol) Although he was quite a handful this morning. We had some errands to run this afternoon, went to Ikea and bought a CD tower, and then to the mall because some store had a sale on camping gear. Marc loves camping, and I don’t really, but I figure I should at least give it a try this summer. I haven’t been since high school.

I remember going to brownie and girl guide camp when I was younger, and the last time I was there, I think it traumatized me. I was gone for 2 weeks and was terribly homesick. I remember writing my mom a letter telling her how much I wanted to come home, and hated it. I did not send her the letter cause I was worried she would be worried. She always told me how it amazed her I had the sense to not send it at 8 years old. There were huge spiders in the tent, and I was always going to the outhouse alone in the middle of the night, cause my roomies would never get up. (We were supposed to go together). I remember coming home on the bus and crying when we pulled in. I did not know then why I was crying, I didn’t know it was tears of happiness.

Anyway, what followed was years of having a major phobia of spiders where if there was one in my room and I tried to kill it and couldn’t or whatever, I would not sleep in that room for days. Also I started this major homesickness thing. I would not go and sleep over at anyone’s house. I even sent a friend home while she was sleeping over at my house cause I was so anxious. Weird huh? That was the start of Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for me. My camping trip did not do me good!

Anyway, I don’t know how that all came back….

Marc and I are both so tired. Gunther was up at 4am, 5am, 6am. We’ll probably both be asleep by 10:00am. Tomorrow we are going to Gunther’s breeders house to see her new puppies! Can’t Wait

Good Night!

Damage Control Payoff

My damage control payed off. I was down 1 pound. I am very close to losing my first 10 pounds. I’m excited and scared at the same time. Today I said, “If I get there.” She stops me and says “When you get there”, and made me repeat it. She says if you believe it, it will happen, meaning, if I think negative, only negative will come through.

When I lose 10pds, I will weigh 234, instead of 244. As you all know, it feels really good toΒ  write that. After that 224, 214, 204, 194. That takes me to about July, and just thinking about the summer at a weight I am happy with, makes me feel SOOOOOO happy, even if it is 200 pounds!!

I’m going to buy some chocolate covered strawberries from Rocky Mountain for a little V-day celebration. I’m only going to buy 4. 2 for each of us. I should buy Gunther something. lol He was 32 pounds the other day when I weighed him. He eats like a champ. Pic below for a bit of Gunther Love!

Well, I should be getting back to work now.

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