The dreaded regain

Hey Strangers!

In typical Jackie fashion, it’s been a few months since my last update. About 3 months. So, since my last post, I have accepted the fact that I have experienced some regain. This morning, I was 157. Sunday I was 160. So, as of today, that puts me up about 8 pounds.

It took me awhile to wrap my head around things. I didn’t know, if I was doing something wrong, or this was just part of the process. I have finally decided, it’s a little bit of both. My calories started increasing about 200c a day, and I think my body is getting used to being at goal, and is working more efficiently, therefore, the calories I was intaking was too much.

I really didn’t want to change my eating habits. At All. I was content, and really was eating whatever I wanted (within reason). I’m still happy with WHAT I’m eating. I have certain foods that I allow myself to have, but a lot that are off limits.

So, Saturday, when I hit 160.2, I knew I had to suck it up and reduce. I spoke to some other wls patients, and a lot had also experienced some regain, so that made me feel a bit better. I just don’t want to be a statistic. I promised myself, that I wouldn’t allow myself the mental torture of regain, and it was started to upset me.

I cut my calories from about 1700-1800 to about 1300 for 4 days now, and have dropped a few. I’ll just keep going until I get to the low 150’s. That is where I am happiest. Even a few pairs of jeans felt tight, as well.

It’s amazing, how hard it still is. It’s never going to be easy!

A few pics from last week:

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2 year Surgiversary!

IMG_1567 IMG_1690I cannot believe, that 2 years have passed since my VSG surgery. This before picture was the morning of surgery, where I had already lost 17 pounds. I’ve lost 191 pounds and feel amazing and BEYOND proud of myself. I remember that day, like it was a movie.

It’s amazing how I forget how awful it really was to be 346 pounds.
-I had to sit to tie my shoes
-My feet swelled every night
-Tight fit in my car
-Couldn’t find nice clothes
-Sitting in auditorium seats hurt my hips
-High cholesterol
-Felt physically ugly

To be at a normal weight is wonderful.
-My self esteem has improved dramatically
-I bother to make myself look pretty
-Shopping is so much fun
-I can shop anywhere
-I can sit in any seat I want, anywhere
-No pain when walking

All that being said, it’s not a cake walk. I am not cured from obesity. I think the smartest thing, is to know this.

I am about 8 pounds today heavier than my lowest a few months ago. Of course, this concerns me. I spoke to the dietician about it, today at my 2yr follow up appt. I don’t feel my eating really has changed that much. He took a look at my food log and thought I was doing everything right, which was nice, because at the clinic, I usually don’t hear those kinds of things. He said, what I’m probably going through is rebound weight, as well as the fact that my calories HAVE increased a bit in the last few months as well, from appetite changes, and trying to deal with my hypoglycemia that I am experiencing. I do notice myself doing some grazing, so I have to keep that in check.

I told him that I wasn’t sure what to do. Decrease my calories to try to get the weight down, or just leave things as it. He asked me what the negative of that would be. I said, well, I would feel like I was dieting. I expressed my concern that I feel like it’s my fault that the weight is rising in the last few months, so it must mean I’m failing, and I’m doing something wrong. He really eased my concerns that by looking at my journal, I was doing great, and it could be metabolic, hormonal, and quite often once people get to their lowest weight, they usually don’t stay there. (rebound gain)

People have warned us of rebound regain, and someone told me this when I was worried I was losing too much past my goal of 155:

“You will eventually (years later) really be happy that you went down below your target range. Your body will not continue to lose indefinitely, but it might lose past where you would like it to stop. Eventually, you will fight regain and the extra few pounds lost now will be a seen as a gift.”

I’m seeing the gift now. lol He also didn’t recommend I reduce my calories, especially because I am experiencing hypoglycemia which I will be seeing the Dr for. He also recommended I didn’t weight myself daily, as that doesn’t really help me.

So, lots of things to consider. It really IS true. This surgery was a gift, and it’s a tool. There is still SO much work I have to do to lose and keep it off.

Anyway, just wanted to give an update. I still owe you on on the TV show I was featured on! It was great!

Thank you to all of my readers, who have been here for me through my surgery, and all my years of blogging! xo

New attention after losing weight

Dr. Yoni Freedhoff, a Canadian doctor posted this guest post on his site today. It’s from a woman who underwent Gastric Bypass surgery and is sharing all the good and negative things that come with it.

Nine months ago, I had a gastric bypass. When I told people what I was going to do, they were shocked. I wasn’t that big. Was I really sure I wanted to do something so drastic? Couldn’t I try just one more time to lose weight? Shouldn’t a gastric bypass be reserved for people who are sick and fat, instead of just sick and tired of being fat?

Here’s my response: the decision to have major surgery with very real consequences was not taken lightly. It took an entire year from the time Dr Freedhoff first suggested it until I was ready to be referred to the program. But once I made the decision, I wanted it to be done with. I wanted my new life to begin.

I did everything right – I researched, I read, I went to a psychologist, I made sure that both my head and my heart were ready for the significant change in my life. I followed every instruction that my surgeon gave me to the letter. And my results have been spectacular.

Pretty good, so far right?!

Still, there is something about my weight loss that upsets me in a fairly fundamental way – I have moved from being invisible to visible, and it is both uncomfortable and enraging.

I read a lot of people talk about this, but for some reason, I do not notice it. I’m sure it’s happening, because it IS human nature. Most people are not overly accepting of MO people. But, I just don’t notice it. Maybe I was oblivious before. Maybe I wanted to be invisible before and don’t want to be invisible now?

There are only 2 instances that stick in my mind, where I have noticed being treated differently. I was at Home Depot once, and had 3 2×4’s in my cart. I was rolling it to the checkout and an older man asked me if I needed help. While it didn’t phase me at the time, it dawned on me that NEVER in my life at Home Depot have I ever been asked for help with my large wood products, and there has been many times I have bought really bulky, awkward things to build with. The other was when I tripped in the summer on my show on the way to the train. I think 2 men kinda came running to see if I was ok. That was a little strange.

Maybe I’m a realist, and just understand how people treat MO people. I just expect to be treated differently, I guess? It doesn’t bug me either. And do you know why? Because I believe it. I think I felt that when I was MO, I didn’t deserve the attention, and truthfully, didn’t want it either! Who knows.

And then there are the well-meaning, the beneficent, the ones who cannot understand what their words mean.

  •  “You look so much younger.. taller… better… prettier… smarter” (that one was tough).
  •  “You’re not going to lose more weight, are you? You’re done, right? Maybe you should eat more – you don’t want to lose too much.”
  •  “I wish I could have that surgery – it’s such an easy way to lose weight.”

I got the last one once. I don’t think she realized what she said until after it came out. I got the “you’re not losing anymore right?” more than a few times. That one made me angry. I felt that they were basically telling me I look ugly, because I was too thin.

Give the article a read. It’s quite good, and like him on Facebook!

 

My own advocate

My appt with the dietician went pretty good. She thought, for sure I was having low blood sugar issues. She took a look at my diary and suggested that I eat more carbs. Having more well rounded meals may help to level my sugars so I don’t get those episodes. I’m pretty conservative with my carbs. I eat them, but they rarely come from bread products. I recently started buying melba toast. That’s been going alright. Not been bingeing on it.

Usually, I get up at 5:30 am. I eat breakfast at 9:00 am, which is only a yogurt and a coffee. She suggested eating within an hour of waking, and she’s right, I should.

BUT.

That adds calories for the day. Yesterday, I had 80cal of cheese and 40 cal of melba toast. I’m not sure if I’m comfortable adding that many extra calories for the day. The last 5 days, my scale has been inching up a bit. 150, 151. As I mentioned before, I don’t like that.

I don’t think I’m being too cautious with the scale. I’m being a realist. I know weight gain is possible, especially at my time post op, where the stomach is stretching, and I find I can eat more.

So, I’ve been thinking. Maybe I should be my own advocate, and maybe eating more carbs is not right for ME. It may be right for a textbook case. So it’s my choice. If staying under 150 is important to me, then I should do that. It is important to stabilize my blood sugars, but maybe I have to figure it out in my way.

Only I know just how hard I have worked to get here, and only I know my struggles, and it’s too important to mess that up.

How much can I really eat?

Had a delicious salad out at a restaurant at lunch today. Got really full about half way through. I thought I would share the pics, so you can see, just how much a VSG sleeved stomach really can eat!

Before:

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After:

IMG_1435

So good. Ingredients: marinated kale, baby spinach, blueberries, beets, lentils, quinoa, cranberry, red cabbage, pumpkin seeds, lemon lime and honey vinaigrette.

I took the rest home, so I have lunch for tomorrow!