2017 update

How has it been a whole year since Iast posted? I’m just not feeling it. At the same time, I don’t want to shut down my blog. Who knows. Whatever.

So, I know you want to know….how’s my weight?

It’s ok. I’m up a bit. My last post a year ago, I was 175. Right now I’m 197. eek. I *thought* it was ok. Anyway, I know it’s been going up, and I’ve been very proactive. Could you imagine if I didn’t do anything? It’s been a VERY rough year for me. Actually, it’s feels like it’s been the hardest year in my life and I guess I ate too much through it too.

It’s ok though. I feel like I am in a good place mentally regarding food and eating. It still gets me down. I am still taking Vyvanse, which is helping, but not eliminating my desire to eat. I saw a dietician last year a few times who is very good with Binge Eating and helped me as well.

I don’t even know where to start really…

The biggest thing to happen this year, is my best friend Miranda died. We’ve been friends since we were 16. She was my maid of honour in my wedding and I was hers. I love her dearly and her death has left me feeling so lonely. She died on November 22, 2017. She had been fighting a brain tumour the last 5 years. Things were manageable. She had 2 surgeries, tons of chemo and radiation. Lost her drivers license. But I thought she was good. It was manageable. Well, things just got out of control this last year. She had her second surgery in May 2017. In September her MRI looked great. Something happened and it just turned aggressive. By the time they figured out what was going on, it was too late. She was deemed palliative about 3 weeks before she died. It was and is very sad. She leaves behind her husband and 2 young kids.

Here is a link to her obituary, and a memorial slideshow.

A few recent pics:

Miranda’s 40th Birthday in January 2017My 40th Birthday in June 2017 (Note the same balloons. I kept them until my bday and then after my bday, they went to our friend Laurie’s party!) :)Her lovely family. Husband Matt, son Brady and daughter KyleighI think maybe I’ll go into point form notes of the past year now.

-I got a promotion at work this year. I was “senior studio artist” and now I am “production lead”. It involves doing the same thing I was, but more managerial tasks. I had to perform employee reviews!

-My brother and SIL had their 3rd baby. Luke was born on May 10th. Here he is with Papa!
-My other niece and nephew are doing great. Matthew and Molly. Easter 2017.
-Gunther turned 10 this year! TEN! October 2017.
-I got rid of all of my skinny clothes from after surgery when I was at my lowest. I am trying to come to terms with eating a variety of things and not just protein and vegetables. My diet now has bread and treats. I still can’t have a lot of stuff in the house because I’ll overeat, but overall I’m happy with the mental progress I’ve made this year. I still want to lose some weight, but I realistically don’t think I’ll be down to my surgery weight. My body just can’t maintain that, and well, if I lose weight, I’ll just buy new clothes!

-I joined Weight Watchers with my cousin 2 weeks ago. I’m not looking at it as a diet for the first time ever, but as a different way of eating and a way to tighten up as a few too many treats have made their way back in my eating.

-I have tracked my food in MyFitnessPal for 1741 days. I’ve recently switched to the WW app to track, but I’m so proud of my record of tracking for 4.5 years EVERY DAY!-April 10, 2018 is going to be my 5 year VSG Surgiversary!

-My dad turned 70 in January 2017 and we threw him a party. Here is Dad, me, my brother, SIL Heather and cousins Mark, Kim and Lindy.
-My mom would of been 70 just recently, and Feb 2017 marked 10 years since she died.-I’ve been struggling the last 6 months with feeling more sad/irritable/angry. My doctor thinks I might be depressed, which feels a bit weird to me but it doesn’t matter. I first noticed that I was not reacting to stress the same way as I normally do, was very angry. I started a medication recently and it may be starting to kick in now, but I’m not sure yet. I’ve come to turns with the fact that I’m very tough, and always force myself to get by. I don’t know how I do it to be honest. Bring on the death of Miranda, it’s very hard. I recently admitted to myself that I’m NOT ok with her death. I always tell myself I am, but I’m just not.

-I sold my scarves again this winter. As of today I’ve made about 130 since September 2017 and did about 9 shows. No wonder I’m feeling stressed!
And last but not least! Marc is doing well. Here’s a pic of us at a wedding in November. We celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary this year.
Well guys, I think I’ll sign off. My computer only has 8% battery left. I don’t know when I’ll post again. I’m on Instagram, so follow me. I post more there.



I just turned on the video camera on my computer and was going to do a vlog. I felt like I looked kinda cute, but when I saw myself, I thought, nope, I’m not doing it. It’s weird. This weekend I’m meeting some girl for the annual Xmas dinner at a steakhouse. Just last year they were all telling me how good I looked. I was 200 lbs. Now, at 287, I’m so embarrased to be seen. It’s SO embarrasing. But I will go, and get through it. Staying on plan will be challenging but life is full of dinners out, right?

Today I weighed in for week #1. I was down 4 pounds. I’m happy, but I can’t help but compare this week to every other week 1 I have ever done. On Kathy’s plan week 1 is usually about 6-7 pounds. WW is not Kathy’s plan. Much more processed food but with the new plan coming out will hopefully help to eliminate a little bit. (For us canadians the plan comes out next Monday). I just can’t do the other plans anymore. I can’t starve myself for 4 days again hoping to detox. I’m not there, not right now anyway. It’s a slight miracle I got through 1 week of WW!

I was also thinking about joining the local Goodlife gym around me. Sunday I took a stroll around and really liked it. I’m nervous of the cost though. I am spending now 50$ on WW, and another 60$ will be added. Marc suggested I try to do my own thing a few months until I am about 2 month into WW, and then if all is well, make the investment then. I think I will do that. For me, I can work out every day. If I’m not watching what I eat, I will lose no weight.

So I’m still not feeling great about myself. I still feel like I look huge to everyone. If equestrian apparel were in fashion for general public clothes that would hide my fat thighs nicely. It is just so overwhelming knowing I have like 120 pounds to lose. But I suppose I shouldn’t think about that. I’d be happy with 60 pounds off. I like my thinner face SO much more than this one.

Just a journey. I know you all can relate. Have a great night!

Time to Start

The time is now to start. Well Monday, but you get my drift. I purchased a monthly pass online the other day. This entitles me to 4 weeks without a registration fee. So that’s is a bit of a savings. I haven’t weighed in yet, but will on Saturday. I am not going to stay for the learn the program part of the meeting. I know that already.

I’m scared, because I have joined and failed numerous times, but I am going to be diligent. There are going to be screw-ups, but I can stick to it most of the time with allowed cheats and stuff. I know for me, I have to watch the types of food I eat. Eating too much sugar is not good for my body. There will be no gimmicks, no Appetite suppressant diet pills like the past. I am going natural.

I was thinking, wouldn’t it be cool, if I lose 100 pounds and become a leader or appear in a magazine as a success story. Then I thought I was getting too far ahead of myself. I just want to do this, and stop fighting myself. I KNOW I will weigh close to (gulp) 300 pounds. I am 33, young, newly married and DO NOT deserve this fat uncomfortable embarrasing life.