Well, I guess things are over. Since I last posted, we went to the funeral home to set up arrangements, although my dad had been there in October. We decided on a one day visitation with a prayer service at the end. 3-5pm, and 7-9pm with a small reception afterwards. It all turned out really nice. It was held on Tuesday. We all are doing very well, as opposed to what people would think we would be doing. I spent Monday night doing up collages that went into these oak frame easels. They turned out great. My mom had wanted it to be closed casket cause she didn’t know how she was going to look after all this. Well the family saw her Tuesday morning, and we all thought she looked wonderful. There was about 400 people through on Tuesday and I felt so proud for her. She would of been so pleased.
So that’s it I guess. Cremation was yesterday. And it is all over. I guess it hasn’t really hit yet. Everyone has expected me to be a wreck and I shocked everyone. I just kept saying that I guess it is because we were expecting it for a year now. The last days, she couldn’t walk, speak, eat or drink. We knew the situation wasnt getting better, there was just one way out. We all accepted that and we were very realistic. Her death was so peaceful and smooth, she never gasped for air or anything like that. There is a sense of relief. We all have to move on and continue on with life.
I did cry before hand and afterward a little. I’ve had a few moments but none that were out of control. I tried to cry during the prayer and I couldn’t. It just wouldn’t come. It was so nice seeing all of my friends and family, of course bad under these circumstances. My dad is going to be off for a few weeks. He is going to be very lonely. Different to me. Especially him and my brother, they were taking care of her for two years.
It sucks, she was only 59. I have some pics from her at the hospice in the first day when she was talking, and a few videos of her, one telling her she loves me more than I will ever know. So guys, that’s the end of that chapter. She had a tough few years and I am happy for her they are over. I hope she is with her mother.
So this is a weight loss blog right? Oh god, I think Im sick of eating, I have been doing so much of it, and you know what? Its poison. I feel so blah, so fat, but very hopeful. I will wait until Monday, cause hey….thats what we do. I had to go buy something for the funeral. Black pants, size 20plus….. Oh well. Im getting ready to kick ass when I get back on Monday. Someone said this will either help me or hurt me. Oh Please, let it help me. I don’t deserve to get fatter. Hopefully my mom is above helping me through. She was always happy for me when I lost weight.
So anyway…just wanted to say Hi. Im off until Monday. I brought some flowers home from the Funeral and I tell you, I must of picked the smelliest ones. They are kinda gross, but so pretty. lol
Thanks to all the wonderful comments.
January 7, 1947 ~ Febraury 25, 2007