Moving On

Well, I guess things are over. Since I last posted, we went to the funeral home to set up arrangements, although my dad had been there in October. We decided on a one day visitation with a prayer service at the end. 3-5pm, and 7-9pm with a small reception afterwards. It all turned out really nice. It was held on Tuesday. We all are doing very well, as opposed to what people would think we would be doing. I spent Monday night doing up collages that went into these oak frame easels. They turned out great. My mom had wanted it to be closed casket cause she didn’t know how she was going to look after all this. Well the family saw her Tuesday morning, and we all thought she looked wonderful. There was about 400 people through on Tuesday and I felt so proud for her. She would of been so pleased.

So that’s it I guess. Cremation was yesterday. And it is all over. I guess it hasn’t really hit yet. Everyone has expected me to be a wreck and I shocked everyone. I just kept saying that I guess it is because we were expecting it for a year now. The last days, she couldn’t walk, speak, eat or drink. We knew the situation wasnt getting better, there was just one way out. We all accepted that and we were very realistic. Her death was so peaceful and smooth, she never gasped for air or anything like that. There is a sense of relief. We all have to move on and continue on with life.

I did cry before hand and afterward a little. I’ve had a few moments but none that were out of control. I tried to cry during the prayer and I couldn’t. It just wouldn’t come. It was so nice seeing all of my friends and family, of course bad under these circumstances. My dad is going to be off for a few weeks. He is going to be very lonely. Different to me. Especially him and my brother, they were taking care of her for two years.

It sucks, she was only 59. I have some pics from her at the hospice in the first day when she was talking, and a few videos of her, one telling her she loves me more than I will ever know. So guys, that’s the end of that chapter. She had a tough few years and I am happy for her they are over. I hope she is with her mother.

So this is a weight loss blog right? Oh god, I think Im sick of eating, I have been doing so much of it, and you know what? Its poison. I feel so blah, so fat, but very hopeful. I will wait until Monday, cause hey….thats what we do. I had to go buy something for the funeral. Black pants, size 20plus….. Oh well. Im getting ready to kick ass when I get back on Monday. Someone said this will either help me or hurt me. Oh Please, let it help me. I don’t deserve to get fatter. Hopefully my mom is above helping me through. She was always happy for me when I lost weight.

So anyway…just wanted to say Hi. Im off until Monday. I brought some flowers home from the Funeral and I tell you, I must of picked the smelliest ones. They are kinda gross, but so pretty. lol

Thanks to all the wonderful comments.

Carol Ann
January 7, 1947 ~ Febraury 25, 2007

9 thoughts on “Moving On

  1. Very nice post Jackie. You can’t forget that just because your mom isn’t here in person, that she is here in spirit and will always be with you. I know your mom was always and always will be proud of what you do and accomplish. We love you Jackie.

    Miranda, Matt and Kyleigh

  2. Jackie,
    Its sounds like the funeral was very nice. Let yourself go through the graving process in your own way. Everyone is different. ((HUGS))
    I know your mom is watching you and is very proud of you.

    Karen

  3. I’m SO very proud of you Jackie. You never cease to amaze me, you know? What a wonderful way to look at your mom’s life – she may be gone physically, but she’s now moved onto a different phase. And one that will always watch over you.

    When I read your post on Sunday, I shed some tears. Having read about your mom for the past year, I really felt for you. Plus, I don’t have a good relationship with my own mother – and it really made me think about things.

    You are SO SO SO wonderful, and you are going to succeed at everything you do!

  4. i never post here because i talk to you in person [and eat] but i think that these 2 years have made you stronger than the last 6 that i have known you. you are so much braver, stronger, mature and most of all capable than ever. you are amazing and do not ever forget it. fat, skinny, whatever, you are amazing and i am glad you are my friend.

  5. i’m so glad to hear that you’re doing ok… i’ve been worried about you! the funeral sounds like it was beautiful… so many people loved your mom!!!

    and i’m really excited to follow your progress on this journey we’ve been on for soooo long! i don’t know about you, but i’m determined to end the year in better shape than i started it! and i’m sure you’re mom is gonna be with you to help you reach your goals!!

  6. Thank you for this post. I have been thinking about you and your family and it is great to hear you are doing okay. I know you will kick butt at the weight loss thing because you have a guardian angel now to guide your way.

  7. everyone handles death differently so i wouldn’t feel bad that you haven’t shown sadness that maybe others have – you will in your own time… you are doing what your mother would’ve wanted – being at peace that she’s no longer in pain and moving on with your life… i’m sure you’re father will be just as supportive w/your weightloss as she was so i’m looking forward to reading about the next chapter… (( HUG ))

  8. You are in my thoughts and I know that you will use the courage and wisdom you have always shown here to help you threw this. I am so very sorry and only hope that the passing of time brings you some comfort.

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