My first binge…

I had my first binge last night. You are all going to look at it and think, what? That is not a binge, but it was. I went to visit my niece last night and the last time I ate was around 4:00, and that was protein drink. I headed to come home around 7:30pm, and I was starting to get hungry. I wanted to stop at Mcdonalds and get a cheeseburger with no bun, but I really don’t want to get into that habit again. I wasn’t really super hungry, I was just aware that I hadn’t eaten dinner yet and felt that I should eat (repeat… hunger is not an emergency).

When I got home, I cut some cheese and ate it. Then Marc asked if he could be the one to watch TV upstairs. I said sure. That means I have unlimited easy access to the kitchen. Not good. Still feeling a little anxious I think from the baby being born (no clue why) and my schedule has been messed up, coming home later than usual.

Marc went upstairs and I was in the living room. I got up and got goat cheese and 2 pickles. I didn’t measure the cheese, but it looked about right. So I sat on the couch and ate my pickles and then slowly the goat cheese. I shared with gunther. I was full and really didn’t even want it. But I kept eating it.

Gunther went upstairs and I was thinking, what else can I eat? I had a can of no sugar added peaches in the fridge, so I opened those. I didn’t measure, but had about 4 peach slices.

So my binge consisted of 1 serving of marble cheese, 1 serving of goat cheese, 2 pickles and 1 serving of peach slices.

I know, not bad, but it was too much and I knew it. When I went to bed, I told Marc what I ate and he said I can’t be left alone downstairs.. lol

I felt gross. Very full. I wondered if I may be sick. I fell asleep, and that was that.

I’m kinda in a rut where I am eating all the same foods and i think that may be the problem. It’s time to start adding in more variety and putting in a little bit more effort.

It’s amazing how after surgery, you still have all the same issues you had before, isn’t it? I knew that, but still interesting to see it happen.

I feel a little guilty today. I was down on the scale today. Loss of 55.6 in 10 weeks. Great, but I have to pay attention to my habits.

Had I of been upstairs last night, that wouldn’t of happened. I would of grabbed some cheese and a turkey stick for dinner and call it a night.

Mental notes Jackie. You recognized your trigger, you recognized why you were feeling anxious. You were in a different environment than usual, a bad one…right next to the kitchen, bored and unsettled because Gunther was barking. You should of went to bed when you knew you were going for those peaches. You almost did, but you gave in. Learn, and move on, and be better next time. <3 And you talked yourself out of a walk this morning. sigh.

One thought on “My first binge…

  1. I have had WLS too. I’m happy to read your blog and learn of your success thus far! Congrats. I have tried lots of programs too. The best is a 12 step program called Celebrate Recovery. You can go to to find groups. I have learned so much about myself, how to improve my relationships, deal with grief (my dad died of cancer 4 years ago), make boundaries, why I have addictive behaviors, etc. It’s not just about the food. If it were, then surgery would work for everyone and there would be 100% success. The Celebrate Recovery program is for anyone who has hurts, habits or hang ups. That’s all of us, I think!! You are so right to identify your anxiety as a trigger. That’s a big step. Good job. Anyway, thought I would throw that out there. I am 1 year out from my surgery and about 2 years in to the CR program. I know that this is something that I will be dealing with my whole life and there are no quick fixes. Most importantly, I have learned so much from other people in CR. Everyone from drug addicts to shop lifters to people who have lost loved ones, and some who don’t even know what their problems are but just know they don’t feel happy. Check out a CR meeting, you can just walk in and visit. Everyone is so friendly. Keep up your hard work. It’s great progress!!

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