I’m still here. Just feeling very quiet these days. I got asked to dogsit the usual dogs Sunday night, tonight and tomorrow. I always crash on my diet when I go there. They have too much good food and I know where it all is. So last night I couldn’t help myself. I had like 1-2cups of Teddy Grahams and some cashews, almonds and craisins. Well, this morning, I got the bright idea, to put all the other stuff like the open chips and chocolate laying ON the countertop and the Teddy Grahams into a plastic bag and went and put it into their car. LOL. Perfect. Why didn’t I think of that last night. In fact, I have NEVER thought of doing that any of the say 6-8 times I have been there.

I worked out 3x last week. Diet has been pretty good minus a few cheats on the weekend. Nothing Drastic. I weigh in tomorrow morning at the gym. We will see what it says.

I love Cadbury Creme Eggs and love love love the McFlurry’s when they come out in that flavour. Last week before I started I remember stopping at McDonalds 2x and asking if they had the creme egg one yet. Noone. Well I was in WalMart on Friday night, and they have a friggin flyer saying they are back. Piss me off. A week sooner…lol Oh well.

My family and I are doing okay. My poor dad is all alone and SO bored. He starts his new job on Monday, so that is going to be great. He needs a focus. He really misses my mom, as we all do. I tend to think a lot when I’m driving, and was quite sad yesterday. I went to a bridal shower, and just thinking about all sorts of things, having to go to family functions without her, and not having her at MY shower, or wedding. I see the other girls with their moms, and I think it’s not fair. One girl was pregnant and her mom was sitting beside her, and another one with a newborn and an infant, came with her mother. I just felt, I’m not going to be able to do that. It just seems so unfair.

I-I-I. I am so selfish I feel. I should be thinking about how unfair it was that SHE lost her life, not about me all the time. My dad showed me the baby blankets she crocheted before she got really sick. That will be a really nice thing to have. She does an amazing job. She started making some awhile back and I asked her to make us one each. Anyway…..

So that’s it. I was waiting for a customer to email me back her approval, so I can email the ad out. So she just did, and Im going HOME. This losing one hour thing SUCKS! :)

7 thoughts on “Quiet

  1. good for you putting the tempting food out in the car!!! that’s a great step!

    and try not to get down on yourself. you’re not being selfish… you’re mourning. it’s totally normal that you would feel resentful when you see other people experiencing the things that you always expected to experience with your mom. and even though she won’t be with you physically… she’ll always be with you!!

  2. Wow – where to start?

    Firstly, you are sooooo not being selfish, Jackie. You just lost your mother, and it’s only natural to think about all the different ways that you’ll miss her. And that includes special events in your life. And you’re not wrong to feel resentful or sad because she won’t be there.

    Secondly, I’m soooo proud of you for moving that food into the car! That took a lot of restraint – good for you!

    And thirdly – cadbury creme eggs in McFlurrys? OMG – why did you have to blog about this? I am like, totally in love with creme eggs and mini eggs. Addicted. But in a McFlurry? Sigh.

    I’ll end this already long comment by saying WHEN you get married in your size 4 Vera Wang wedding dress, looking as gorgeous as ever, your mom will be watching you from above the whole time.:-)

  3. It IS unfair, it just is. That’s probably why it feels that way. My best friend lost her mom when she was in her early twenties, and she got married and had a baby since then, and I know she felt sad about her mom not being there with her. It does get easier though–at least it did for her–but I know it hits her hard at times, even though it’s been seven years. Her mom was a quilter, and made baby quilts for all of her kids’ kids, and I know that’s meant a lot.

    BUT, you have a lot of people who love you to bits, and there will be much joy when you get married and have your own little ones. And your mom will be there, just in a different way, and celebrating with you.

    On a different note: that junk food in the car idea is REALLY smart! Hang in there; you’re doing great.

  4. I’m so sorry about your mom but I feel she is happier now in heaven and will look over you as you try to get healthy and stay healthy. I hope that’s how it is anyway. Otherwise how do we deal with this shit if there is no hope. I wish you well and you’re doing great so far. You’ll have your ups and downs of course with the diet and with the grieving. I still cry over losing my grandma over ten years ago. She practically raised me.

  5. I am glad to see that you are doing okay Jackie, you are such a strong woman, and we all admire you. Good luck with the gym and Ashlee, as well as your weigh in.

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