Today marks the 6th anniversary of my mom’s death. Eight years ago, she found out she had colon cancer. We thought we were out of the woods, then we discovered it had moved to her liver and lung. She made the decision to try to fight. She was going to have her liver resectioned, however, when they opened her up, they discovered that there was too much cancer in the liver for the surgery to be successful, and closed her back up. That was April 7, 2006. It was the day I knew she was going to die in the next year. She was 58 when this happened, and 59 when she died.
It was a rough year, not knowing what the day would bring. Not knowing when it would get bad. She made the brave decision not to do chemo. She didn’t want her last time here, be riddled with more sickness than she already had. I remember her at her last Christmas. She was good. Well not good, but she was close to the mom I knew. Things went downhill after January. Things got really bad in February 2007.
She was admitted into a hospice on February 20, 2007, and we sat with her and waited. My dad slept over every night. I stayed once. My brother and I were there as much as possible. I took time off work. We took pictures with her. I took some videos of her last days. She was bedridden and really not even speaking too much.
My dad called me and my brother around 4:30am on Feb 25/07, and told us to come over. Her breathing was laboured, and it was close. I lived in the same city so I got there within 15 minutes. My brother was much farther. I got there, and my dad and I were on each side of the bed, each holding a hand. We watched her take her last breath at around 5am. I’m glad I was there. It was very peaceful, and I like knowing that. She had told me once, she wasn’t afraid to die, she just didn’t want to die alone, and she didn’t.
It’s so hard to believe 6 years. I called her every day. Every morning, I called her. When she was home after her diagnosis, I would call at 6am, and let the phone ring once or twice. It was a signal to call me back if she was up. And most of the time she did.
I loved her so much. She was my best friend. I loved doing things with her. We really were a great mother/daughter combo. We enjoyed spending time together. I miss her everyday, and I think her image dances through my head about 25 times a day. I always have the image of her in my head.
Family life is not the same since she’s been gone. She was the glue. We all still talk, and try to stay as close as possible. I think she would be proud of everything we have accomplished. I got married, my brother got married, we got through losing my nana and auntie peg, Jeff had a baby, Dad is an amazing grandpa. We both bought houses. So much has happened. Doesn’t feel right not experiencing them without her.
The sun came up this morning;
It wasn’t very bright.
My dark mood casts a shadow;
It’s hard to see the light.
We all have just one mother
Her life on earth is done,
The emptiness and loss I feel
Make it hard to see the sun.
Tomorrow is a brand new day;
May the hurt and sadness lighten.
I will remember every ounce of love,
And see the sky will brighten.
Gone is not forgotten;
Her love remains behind;
She has a new direction.
Love knows no space or time.
I will always love her.
She will care for me from above.
She will send me hugs from heaven.
To remind me of her love.
I love you mom. xo